Hey-oh, Kaplowitz #3 here! I'm still keeping my name and gender under wraps, but I figured it's never too early to put myself out there. Mom and pops promised me that I would get my Twitter account up and running soon, so that people could keep track of my fetal thoughts. Not much going on in here, so I figure 140 letters at a time should be enough. I just hope I don't get in trouble with future employers for putting naked pictures of myself on the internet:

I figure by the time I cross that bridge, every employer will be naked on the internet and it won't matter. In any event, I'll be seeing y'all in December. Could ya do me a favor in the meantime and pass some global warming legislation so the planet will be livable when I graduate college?

Thx,

Kaplowitz #3

Media consolidation is inevitable. With both Kaplowitz blogs struggling in this economy and another potential Kaplowitz blog on the horizon, it just makes financial sense to combine them. Stay tuned for some actual content; in the meantime, all of the Kaplowitz Klassics are here for your reading pleasure.

Sincerely,
The Editor

I got to witness a wee bit o' history this past weekend. At first, there was just a lot of waiting, and frankly, the view sort of sucked:


Then, after 45 minutes or so, the big moment drew near-- here's the view from Daddy's shoulders:


By that point, I had had enough. The conversation went like this:
Me: Daddy...
Daddy: Yeah?
Me: This is BORING.
Daddy: But Eli, our next president is about to come out.
Me: But I want to go home... NOW.


In the end, we stuck around and heard Obama. Something about the middle class, hope, lifting people up out of this financial crisis, creating jobs...


I would have preferred that he pander to my demographic a little bit... maybe throw me some red meat about manned missions to Mars, tax breaks for cat purchases, government subsidies for drawing mazes... stuff like that. I might write him a letter or something.

I got to witness a wee bit o' history this past weekend. At first, there was just a lot of waiting, and frankly, the view sort of sucked:


Then, after 45 minutes or so, the big moment drew near-- here's the view from Daddy's shoulders:


By that point, I had had enough. The conversation went like this:
Me: Daddy...
Daddy: Yeah?
Me: This is BORING.
Daddy: But Eli, our next president is about to come out.
Me: But I want to go home... NOW.


In the end, we stuck around and heard Obama. Something about the middle class, hope, lifting people up out of this financial crisis, creating jobs...


I would have preferred that he pander to my demographic a little bit... maybe throw me some red meat about manned missions to Mars, tax breaks for cat purchases, government subsidies for drawing mazes... stuff like that. I might write him a letter or something.

BIG NEWS-- I'm officially a professional student! It's been a week, and so far I am tearing up my kindergarten class. I haven't yet calculated my GPA, but it has to be about a million-billion. Of course, it helps that I gained a solid foundation over the summer. First, I went to an art camp, whose end-of session exhibition featured one of my masterpieces:

It's basically what Van Gogh would have painted if he had been an astronaut.

Then I spent a weekend toughening up with Uncle Wren on the mean streets of Avalon, New Jersey:

Working out with Daddy...

And learning how to swim. I think I'm well on my way to a Phelpsian physique. I've heard he barely eats anything just like me...

The final pre-kindergarten test was a rugged weekend at Graves Mountain Lodge in Virginia:

I hope hill-climbing is on the curriculum.

And before I knew it, it was time for the big day. Here I am with my sweet-a** backpack and lunchbox:

Here's my ride. Don't worry-- that's not a new brother, just a kid that mommy's been taking care of. I would have told you about something like that, notwithstanding how infrequently I've been posting these days.

And finally, we arrived:

Everyone had to get in on the photo op:

And then it was time for mom and dad to let go:

I think I saw Dad cry like a little baby, but I'm not sure.

More later,

Eli

BIG NEWS-- I'm officially a professional student! It's been a week, and so far I am tearing up my kindergarten class. I haven't yet calculated my GPA, but it has to be about a million-billion. Of course, it helps that I gained a solid foundation over the summer. First, I went to an art camp, whose end-of session exhibition featured one of my masterpieces:

It's basically what Van Gogh would have painted if he had been an astronaut.

Then I spent a weekend toughening up with Uncle Wren on the mean streets of Avalon, New Jersey:

Working out with Daddy...

And learning how to swim. I think I'm well on my way to a Phelpsian physique. I've heard he barely eats anything just like me...

The final pre-kindergarten test was a rugged weekend at Graves Mountain Lodge in Virginia:

I hope hill-climbing is on the curriculum.

And before I knew it, it was time for the big day. Here I am with my sweet-a** backpack and lunchbox:

Here's my ride. Don't worry-- that's not a new brother, just a kid that mommy's been taking care of. I would have told you about something like that, notwithstanding how infrequently I've been posting these days.

And finally, we arrived:

Everyone had to get in on the photo op:

And then it was time for mom and dad to let go:

I think I saw Dad cry like a little baby, but I'm not sure.

More later,

Eli

More catching up to do.

At this point, it's best to just put some pictures out there and fast-forward so I can get back up to date. For starters, here are some pictures from our trip to Charlottesville back in July:


Me and Rachel.


Me and Daddy at Polyface Farms

Two swimming pool babes.

Just me, catching some rays.

Me 'n' pops.

Our camping excursion near Gettysburg.

Watching fireworks in C-ville.

USA! USA! USA!

U! S! A!!!!!

Playing giant Connect Four (I lost-- hard to strategize when you can't reach the top of the board...)

Giant chess was equally mystifying...

Mini golf didn't go much better.

All of us at the fight-field (as Eli put it).

Ready to hit the road again...

Eatin' corn back in the ol' neighborhood...

Soon after that, Eli and I got sick:

The teenage years are coming early:

Daddy, Eli and I taking the train into Philadelphia.

Three kids in a tub (that's Mason, the baby that mommy is taking care of)...

More in a bit.

Evie

I'm back, baby! And no longer a baby!

Oh man, it's been too long. I've basically stopped barfing, but I'm going to make an exception here and barf out some pictures. Let's go chronologically, shall we?

March and April: I regret to say that at this point, I am now every bit the underwhelming eater my brother is. But I have to say, it's pretty fun to mooch food, even if it means having to eat it:

Eyes on the prize...

In for the kill...

Yoink!

I do have a bit of a bottle addiction that I am working to overcome:

Oh sweet nectar of the gods...

Here are some pictures from my circus adventure with Grandma and Grandpa:

Braving the Philly subway...

Girl-bonding with grandma...

Mom came out of ultimate frisbee retirement this past spring-- I was eager to get on the starting line:

How am I going to throw fakes in this sweatsuit? No mobility, I tell you.

And here are some pictures of me just looking adorable:

I like the soft focus here. If Barbara Walters ever retires, this is the pin shot I'm submitting...

Nuff said...

My first time facing forward in the car seat...

Easter egg hunting during a trip to Charlottesville...

My first wheels. Luckily, it gets great mileage given the skyrocketing cost of gas...

Daddy and I lost in thought...

Another Easter picture.

May and June - weather's getting hotter, I'm getting cuter.

Me and Eli with Great Uncle Geoff and Great Aunt Karen after taking the train up to Doylestown (still hitting the bottle...)...

My teeth get much cleaner this way...

We just got a big honkin' play set in our back yard. I'm staying out here from now on:

Can I pleeeeze do this swing now? And what the hell is up with my hair?

Grandma Nene came to visit-- we're carpooling up to the Crayola Crayon factory in Easton here. Typically I would drive separately cuz I need my space, but we're trying to save gas...

Once we got there, I proceeded to try to huff as many markers as I could. It's tough to get high on the water-soluble stuff.


We took a sweet ice cream pit stop on the way home:

Oh momma...

That's some good s**t.

Later that month we took the train down to DC. It was pretty fast...

Once there, we all caught a Nationals game.

I believe this picture is my visual commentary on how much the Nationals suck:


Lastly, did I mention that I just got cuter?

OMG... Daddy, you did not just tell that partner to piss off???

Guys like the librarian type, right?

Just emulating President Bush's dance moves...

Me 'n' mom.

Coming soon: the July and August backlog. Stay tuned!