It's been a bit of a traumatic day. First, I had a doctor's appointment this afternoon, and mommy and daddy both promised it would be a no-shot visit. So there I am, getting weighed (still a svelte 29 lbs!), getting an eye exam (looks like I have mommy's eyesight, thank god!), getting poked in the belly. I'm just starting to think maybe the medical profession is not so bad. And then, out come the needles. O, betrayal-- thy name is mommy and daddy! Evie had to get shots too, and daddy suggested that I get mine first so I could show her how to be strong. So I took it like a man. I won't lie, I did cry for about 15 minutes... but it was manly crying.

Then it was Evie's turn. Oh. My. God. The girl giggled through the first shot, cried one second after the second shot, and three seconds after the third. Then giggled some more. Something is seriously wrong here. First, I'm the man here. If I cried 15 minutes, she should have cried for at least 15 hours. Second, does she have no pain sensations whatsoever? She should have been pissed as hell, and instead she was laughing. Sheesh.

When we got home, we were greeted by this appalling scene:


Daisy and Cute Cat were gone. Vanished. Suspicion quickly turned to one prime suspect:

In the past, this man has consumed multiple goods that would, taken individually, kill a lesser life form: a rubber nipple, ant poison, a rusted battery, several large blocks of chocolate, ladies' underwear (not the edible version), and a tube of Desitin(TM) diaper rash cream. Two hermit crabs seemed well within the realm of possibility. I could easily picture Monty, driven insane with jealousy after being supplanted as the favorite family pet by two glorified insects, deciding in his pea brain that it would be a great idea to get revenge and crab legs supreme, all in two bites.

Luckily, it turns out that neither Monty nor Daisy and Cute Cat are that stupid. Daddy discovered Daisy cowering (does a hermit crab do anything but cower?) under my bed and Cute Cat cowering under my end table.

The situation has been remedied:


I can now go to sleep without gruesome visions of Monty masticating two poor, defenseless hermit crabs. I hope you guys can rest easy as well.